Tuesday, September 20, 2011

New $1.00 Coins



It’s just a little coin. What’s the big deal?

While the US Mint is all atwitter over the release of their new coin into circulation around the country, I’m not nearly as excited. It seems that the good folks at the mint have forgotten one key aspect of the coin in all their publicity leading up to its release.

The phrase “In God We Trust” will not be making an appearance on this version of our currency. It seems that those words, despite their factual presence in the creation of our country, have now been deemed offensive. Even though a Christian God was very prevalent in the hearts, minds, and souls of many of the men responsible for forming this great nation, it would now appear that the very freedoms they fought to secure have been manipulated and legislated into something over which they would bow their heads in shame. Our national motto is now offensive.

“You can’t force me to worship your God, dude!”

“Hey man, I’m really educated. I’m way too educated to depend on some wish-granter in the sky to run my life.”

First of all, the people who say such things are NEVER as educated as they think they are. No one is trying to say that you HAVE TO believe in God because His name appears on your money, you whiney little douche! No one is saying that you must go to Church and you must pray every night or the money in your wallet will cease to have value. No one is claiming that having the phrase “In God We Trust” on your bills or coins means that you are required to believe in one God. In fact, the First Amendment to the United States Constitution does a pretty good job of saying exactly the opposite. We left the tyranny of religious oppression and established a country where you are free to worship whenever, wherever, and whoever you choose. That does not mean that the rest of the country has to agree with you. That does not mean that you get to change the history of my country. I don’t really give a flying fornication if God’s name on your money causes you to toss and turn at night. If you’re that sensitive then maybe you need to tighten up your training bra and start a testosterone regimen. “In God We Trust” is a motto. It’s not a law. It’s a historical fact. This country was founded so that men and women who were tired of being told where they had to worship by a tyrannical British government could enjoy the freedom to worship at a time and place of their choosing. If we’re going to rewrite history to suit the needs of every group with a voice then I would like to offer a few suggestions of my own.

1. Money - Needs a complete overhaul. The pictures of our Presidents should be updated with a more modern hairstyle so as not to offend the ever growing number of stylists in our midst. Also, the wig George Washington wears is a slap in the face to bald people, drag queens, and Barbara Bush. Erase it.

2. Families – Prohibit these offensive groups from flaunting their unity in public. Every day, single people with no kids are oppressively forced to watch as families, or “genetically unified gangs” as we should start calling them, display their unity with no regard whatsoever to the feelings of those around them.

3. Trees – Get rid of them. There are a lot of people in this country who came from regions of the world that simply don’t have trees. For us as Americans to spitefully enjoy such oxygen enriching states as those found on the two coasts is shameful. Right now, I’m staring out the window of my home and I’m ashamed of the trees outside. Mocking the family from Arizona that just moved in downstairs. Changing colors, inviting us into their majestic deceit. Pathetic.

4. Mountains – Mountains are just an example, but really anything tall needs to be abolished. We are completely ignoring the plight of those suffering from Acrophobia.

5. Fire Extinguishers – Offensive to arsonists.

6. Locks – Offensive to burglars and thieves.

7. Reproduction – Let’s face it folks, the act of reproduction is seriously offensive to those who subscribe to the “Stick Your Parts Wherever They Might Fit” doctrine. Down with breeders.

8. Clothing – It’s simply too subjective and subjectivity apparently offends. Clothing shall be issued by the government so that we all look exactly alike.

9. Elevator Buttons – Standard placement of the buttons in an elevator is a direct slap in the face to midgets and dwarves. I’m sorry……”little people”.

These are just a few suggestions, but I’m sure there are many more. We don’t want to offend anyone, so if I’ve left you or your group of concerned citizens out, please feel free to let me know about it.

I sincerely hope that you were able to sense the sarcasm above. In God We Trust stays. It’s as simple as that. It is a founding principle of our country. Just because your absurdly outnumbered voice seems to scream the loudest; that does NOT give you the right to devalue the Christian God that guided the principles of this great nation.


Oh! thus be it ever, when freemen shall stand
Between their loved home and the war's desolation!
Blest with victory and peace, may the heaven rescued land
Praise the Power that hath made and preserved us a nation.
Then conquer we must, when our cause it is just,
And this be our motto: "In God is our trust."
And the star-spangled banner in triumph shall wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave!

(Rarely sung 4th Verse of The Star Spangled Banner)


I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America. One nation, UNDER GOD, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.


I truly believe that America is still an ongoing experiment in Liberty. No one gave us a chance in our infancy. Those who felt they were so immersed in the Age of Enlightenment couldn’t wrap their minds around a self-governed society. Especially not in a land as vast and a culture as diverse as the one America was becoming in those days. Well, those days are gone, but the experiment continues. We are a diverse nation. The overwhelming majority of us DO believe in God and those absurdly vocal few who disagree will not change our minds. The God that influenced the creation of the country you now call home was a Christian God. Your disagreement will not change that fact.

God is not a wish-granter in the sky. God does not care which football team wins (although I do believe He wears a Cowboys jersey after Church on Sundays). God does not help you win the lottery and he does not help you defeat an enemy if your reasons for battle are self-serving or immoral. The Founding Fathers (NO….they are NOT ‘The Framers’ you liberal, Californicated, enema-nozzle!!) did not EVER demand that all citizens of this great country pray to a particular God. They very carefully gave you the right to pray to any God you choose, but the laws, morals and principals of this country are based on the teachings of Jesus Christ through the Holy Bible. Get used to it, accept it, and move on. It’s fact. You can’t change facts by whining.


Thanks for playing.