Monday, May 7, 2012

Who’s Your Daddy…..

By: J Robert Giles


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“We never know the love of the parent until we become parents ourselves.”   - Henry Ward Beecher

The Obama presidency has been a cycle, to say the least. We’re standing at the edge of a decision in November. The decision is not simply a matter of candidate choice; it has nothing to do with party affiliation, or political ideology. The decision has to do with whether or not you see the Obama administration as the pregnancy or the death of America.

That may sound strange, but think about it…..was the Obama Presidency the pregnancy or the death of America. Are we about to witness a birth or a funeral? Since Mother’s America's FuneralBaby America Day is right around the corner, I’ll start with the possibility of Obama’s Presidency representing the pregnancy of America. First of all , any mother will tell you that a first pregnancy is scary, at best. Think about Obama’s Presidency in terms of a cliché teen movie. Young, naïve America gets swept off her feet by the roofie-esque charm of His Barackness, the cool new kid in town. Next thing you know, America’s pregnant, scared out of her mind, and receiving nothing but empty promises and debt from the biggest mistake of her life. Still…..America has never seen herself as weak. In fact, she’s often found the most strength in the moments when others believed she possessed none. As she starts to feel as if she’s being backed into a corner by the self-serving arrogance of His Barackness, she starts to fight back mentally. She’s never backed down from a challenge and motherhood would be the biggest challenge of them all. Slowly but surely America, with the help of some loyal friends, gets up the courage to leave His Barackness and all of his dangerous ideology. There’s a classic standoff between Obama and America’s long lost uncle, the tough as nails old coot known to the locals as Constitution. Just when it seems like Constitution is losing momentum, he receives aide from America’s first love, Chris T. Anity, who shows up at the last minute to kick Barry right in his Obamacles. With a gleam in her eye, America stands up, packs his bags for him, and politely asks Barack Hussein Obama to leave her and the baby alone. In his absence, America is able to give birth to the vision we all see in an Obama-free country.

We had to go through the pain of Obama’s presidency in order to deliver his absence. Mitt Romney may be the doctor who delivers the baby, but WE ARE ALL the parents. This baby will truly be the “rebirth” of a nation. The pain we endured during his administration will be worth it when we hear the innocence of capitalism giggling in its crib. It will be worth it when we see recovery take its first, clumsy steps. Obama represents the mistakes of youth. He represents the regrets we all have in our lives. For many of us, our children did not come into our lives at the most “convenient” of times, but you’d be hard pressed to find one who doesn’t view that arrival as the single greatest moment in their lives. As much as I hate to admit it as a father, this emotion is especially true in the hearts and minds of mothers. There’s a connection between mother and child that just can’t be duplicated. There’s a switch that gets thrown in the mind of a mother during pregnancy. While that life is literally growing inside of her, a mother learns to abandon regret and selfishness. She learns to use the lessons taught by regrettable actions, and turn them into strength she will need to guide her baby’s course. It’s time to admit to the mistakes we have made as a country. It’s time to admit them, regret them, and put them behind us. There’s work to do. It’s time to get out there and earn the respect of our “child.”

Now the alternative. What if we should all start dusting off our funeral clothes?

If Obama should mastermind a second term as President of the United States, it will most certainly be a funeral we are all attending in November. A second Obama term would surely mean the death of such dear old friends as The United States Constitution, Christianity in America, conservatism, borders, democracy, and history. We will all listen, beyond the guilt of our own whimpers, to the eulogies of such notions as “under God” and “right to bear arms.” Our freedom of speech will be silenced forever. Our global strength will be crippled. We will weep for the history he will erase and for the tradition he will ignore. In time, the America that so many have died to defend, will draw its last breath and we will all witness her eulogy in the form of another Obama inauguration.

I’m looking forward to witnessing the birth of a glorious new nation in November. I’m looking forward to watching infant America take her first steps. I’m looking forward to seeing the very best characteristics her mother has to offer as they begin to form in the personality of the precocious child. I’m looking forward to identifying characteristics of her father and working tirelessly to rid her of them. I’m looking forward hearing this child tell her friends…..”I never knew my father. It’s the darndest thing. I have like 311,591,917 parents and another 11,000,000 or so illegal undocumented nannies, and not one of them is my biological father. I heard his past was a little sketchy too, so I think I’m probably better off. My uncle said he was a real idiot.”

Time to dust off the sympathy bellies, and stock up on pickles folks! We got a baby on the way!

As always, thanks for playing.

J Robert Giles